Dear Gary Marshall and Walt Disney Pictures:
We, the women of http://www.slatebreakers.com, recently spent an evening watching your 2001 film, The Princess Diaries in honor of our Meg Cabot Theme Week celebration. Although we very much enjoyed your charming film (despite the occasionally misguided adaptation), we have some questions, and some observations.
- Why, when we put in the DVD, does a delicate flower blossom to reveal Anne Hathaway’s face on the disc menu? Is this a Georgia O’Keefe painting?
- Why is this movie set in San Francisco? Seriously, we pondered this all evening and cannot figure out why San Francisco makes a better setting than New York. Is it the hills? The bridge in the background? Was it just so Hector Elizondo could make that totally awful gay joke about the shoes? Please explain.
- You killed Mia’s dad. You killed him! This changes everything! Without Philippe, this story feels much less intense.
- Brianna loves the artist’s loft where Mia and her mom live. Sarah thinks that fire pole is dangerous.
- Lilly of the movie is nothing like Lilly of the book. But we like Heather Matarazzo, so you get a pass on this one.
- Grandmere is much too nice. We think that this is because you cast Julie Andrews, who can never be anything other than nice. (The woman writes children’s books. Of course she’s nice.)
- Who is the random blonde lady who assists Grandmere? She wasn’t in the book. And she’s only sort of in the movie.
- Isn’t Gupta an Indian surname? Why is Sandra Oh playing Principal Gupta? Were there no Indian actresses available in Hollywood in 2001?
- The otter backpack. We have no words.
- Why is Erik Von Detten’s hair always wet? We assume the budget was too tight to afford a blow dryer.
- Is “You’ve been wearing black too long” really the best pick up line for a widow? We know Hector Elizondo can do better than that.
- We realize that with Mandy Moore in your movie there had to be singing, but did it have to be…so…bad? This is how we felt about the singing:
- Mia Thermopolis is great and all, but she is NO Eleanor Roosevelt.
Thank you for time and consideration. We look forward to watching The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement, which has absolutely no correlation to Meg Cabot’s books and will probably warrant another letter.
Brianna and Sarah
Love. There are no words.